Is this relationship right for me?
I found myself asking that question on a more regular basis when a relationship I had been in (seemingly happy) for over 3 years had started to have me questioning how we got together in the first place…
Generally when people start asking themselves this question multiple times a month, week or day even.. It’s a pretty good indication that you know the answer but don’t want to admit it for one reason or the other.
I came up with a few methods that have allowed me to feel more honest with my partner and myself and a lot more happy in my relationship.
I’ve simplified it with 5 easy tips..
I wanted to start this article off with a question many people are either too afraid to ask themselves in fear of what the answer might be or because they simply just don’t know what to do with the answer after they’ve asked it.
Is this relationship right for me?
Now, I started off with this question because before you go any further it’s important to figure out who you are, what you want and if this is really where you want to be in your relationship.
1. Know Who You Are And What You Want.
When I say you have to know who you are and what you want, I don’t mean you have to have everything figured out about yourself right now, today. What I mean is that you have to know your boundaries and what you won’t put up with. You have to consider things such as your pet peeves, your deal-breakers and what you are willing to compromise with, before meeting your significant other or at least before making any serious commitments.
2. Are we in this long term?
When choosing a lifetime partner (even if that’s not necessarily what you’re thinking about at the moment), it’s critical to make sure that your major values align or very serious problems may arise down the road.
Generally, most people get into relationships because they are looking for that one person they can spend their life with but some people don’t want that. If you are looking for a true relationship and lifetime partner, it’s also important that you make that known and clearly from the beginning. When you are getting to know each other, misunderstanding what each other wants out of the relationship is sure to cause problems and have you questioning, “is this relationship right for me?”
Side note: Don’t be scared to let a potential partner know that you’re looking for long term. You will only scare off the people not meant for you. The one that’s for you won’t be going anywhere.
3. Set your standard.
Don’t be irrational or over expectant but definitely include the things you know for sure you cannot deal with for long periods of time BEFORE you get into the relationship.
*Noticing how to spot the signs of a commitment-phobe is another key step in preventing getting involved with someone not right for you.
(I’ll write in another post of HOW to identify the men/women that are commitment-phobes)*
4. Am I happy?
Another key to figuring out if this relationship is the right one for you is to track how it’s making you feel on a daily basis. If more often than not you’re upset, sad, disappointed or regular negative emotions or feelings, that’s a pretty good indication that this relationship may not be the one for you.
5. Go with the gut.
At the end of the day, no one outside of your relationship can tell you what works and what doesn’t work for you. You have to trust your instincts and let it guide you.
The main thing to remember is, you have to love the person you’re with, you can’t love the person you want them to be because you will ultimately disappoint yourself by expecting differently. You have to know how to love the person without the expectation that they are going to change drastically in some way.
The question, is this the relationship for me? Should be more of a statement, “this relationship is for me.” when it is truly real between two people.